The ongoing mating dance between the Alliance and the Tories has got to be the most boring story in Canadian politics, and that’s really saying something. A few days ago it looked all hot and sweaty, and now both brides are buttoning up their knickers.

On-again? Off-again? Like it matters. If they don’t merge, the Grits win a whopping majority under Paul “Check for the stigmata” Martin. If they do merge, the Grits win a whopping majority under Paul “Water into wine” Martin.

Either way, the Alliance will win about 40 seats–with the Tories or without. If the Tories join up, fair enough. If they don’t, they get wiped out–two seats, maybe three.

Looks like a win-win for the Alliance, in a “definite losers” kind of way. There’s no way they’re going to win the next election, or even come close, but they either (a) merge with the Tories, giving themselves a fighting chance in the 2008 election, or (b) wipe out the Tories utterly and forever. The nasty partisan part of me–okay, so it’s about 80% of me–is hoping for option B. Goodbye, Tories!

There is nothing so terrible in North American politics as a party that pretends to be right wing, but isn’t. Check out BC’s old Socred party, or the latter-day Tories under Mulroney. They run a mixed bag of welfare state and regional pandering policies, calling it “conservative”, and when the mixed economy garbage blows up in their faces, everybody says “hmm, I guess conservatism doesn’t work!” It’s so frustrating to watch.

I think a lot of “conservative” politicians are too scared of the media and the Canuck Media Establishment Death Star to actually be conservative–the Reform party was at least partially immune to this. But the Tories are the G**D*** poster boys for Pretend Conservatism. Their socialism didn’t work any better than the Liberals’ socialism, and when it fails the voting public has no choice but to opt even further left.

Bottom line–the Tories deserve to be wiped out, and if it takes a victorious Martin and an intransigent Harper to do it, so be it.